My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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