Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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