Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
