Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
