I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
