I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
