my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
