Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
