I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't deserve a penis
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
