what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
