I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
