You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
