My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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