but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
