after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
