im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
