gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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