p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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