Found your dick twin last night
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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