Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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