please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
