he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
