so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
