i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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