Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
