Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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