Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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