I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
