i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we made out on top of his cat.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
