I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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