Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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