i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
