Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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