Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
