i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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