I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
