If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
