My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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