WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
