there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
