he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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