If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
