Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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