No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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