I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
