Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
