Me too!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Shame - the story of my life.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
