I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
