my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
