I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
