'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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