I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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