on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
