He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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