I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
