Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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