That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
