I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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