it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
