ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
