When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
