I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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