I am midnight drunk by noon
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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